Alien Spaceship
Looking to build the
perfect classic alien spaceship, huh? Well you've come to the right place! My
design firm has built thousands of these things, so I'll throw some ideas out
and you can tell me what you think:
For the interior,
first off, I'm thinking CATWALKS.
We should have sterile, metal catwalks spiraling all over the damn place, and
every inch of every wall should be covered in tubes. What kind of tubes?
Insider Tip: It doesn't matter, they're just there for decoration, but if
any of them get pulled out of the wall, they'll start shooting out dry-ice
smoke for some reason. Sure, these smoke-shooting purposeless tubes will run
you a few extra Rembulaxx (our form of money, as you already know), but it's
the direction everyone's going in, and it'll definitely up the resale value.
For lighting, I'm
thinking we go nice and traditional. Three words: Light Blue EVERYTHING. It'll mostly be pitch black, but then bathed
in a really futuristic-seeming light blue, because MAN, do we love that color. Also we can
coordinate the interior light-blue with the light-blue tractor beam, force
field, and the lasers that we shoot. Also it's literally the only color of bulb
available at Spaceship Depotblorff, so it's stylish and practical.
For the Medical Room,
I'm thinking we paint everything SUPER white. Like, creepy-ass white, with an
impossibly spotless glowing tile floor and one really ominous slab-shaped table
in the very center. Then we surround the table with weird automated arms coming
out of the ceiling with drills and stuff jutting out of them, which is partly
aesthetic, but also useful for doing weird, scary operations. It's sleek, it's
elegant, and Hyper-Scareminism is very in right now.
A couple other random
design thoughts:
- The core should be a
big pulsating aqua-colored thing that makes a low bass hum at all times and can
easily be set to self-destruct. (It's not technically a Ranch unless you can
bump a button and have it self destruct.)
- There should be one
room with a bunch of glass pods containing a weird liquid and gross embryos.
Can double-function as a breakfast nook.
- All the doors are
slidey and automatic and make whooshing noises. Also they get dangerously
sealed off anytime anything happens.
- The temperature is
constantly super-hot or super-cold. Just something not normal, because we are
aliens.
- Granite countertops
and stainless steel appliances. Like, uhhhDUHHHH.
And finally, here's
the kicker: the entire ship will be CIRCULAR. And the whole thing SPINS when it flies. And it emits a shrill, kinda
Theremin-sounding "eeehooooeeehoooooeeehooo" noise whenever it's in
the air, so it sounds like a loud, broken ray gun, but constantly.
What's that? You'll
"be in touch?" Ok! Do you want to take my card? It's a clear blue
microchip that plugs into a holo-puter that's different looking than computers
now but will look crappy and dated in eleven years. No, you'll just call me?
Oh, alright.
Well, I will talk to
you soon then! And let me know ASAP so
I can get started on pricing that purple embryo-preserving juice!
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